Mini Epiphany

I have been told recently that I am uptight, rigid, and can't relax. While I dont agree 100% I couldnt disagree with it either as it was all being spoken to me as being a negative. After mulling it over and processing it I came to the "mini epiphany" as I call it that with my birth order of being the oldest on my family. I grew up feeling like the helper and even started working babysitting families pretty regularly at the age of 14. Then fast forward and in the relationship that I am in I had become the "Mom" I couldnt depend on the words that were being said to me to be true. I couldnt count on help even if it was promised. I would talk openly about my feelings and they would either get shot down or discredited. I felt like I had no support in my relationship. Then all the bad really starts to come out and the mean words. I am a person who tries to think and choose my words very carefully. I have been hurt many times by words. They are such a powerful tool and I try to choose them wisely. So all the stops come out and I get "uptight" and "controller" thrown in my face and it stings just a bit. I am driving today and thinking of the way I react to things and then BAM! It hits me. If I were in a different relationship where I could count on what was being told to me was actually going to happen or if I actually felt like I was getting some help I think I could become the relaxed person that I really am and want to be. How can I relax when when I do nothing gets done and everything I have worked so hard to accomplish or clean or organize gets ruined because I cant count on my partner to see it through. I hope that once this is all worked out I can really relax... or maybe as I Mom its not meant to be. Either way I am growing and trying to become ok with who I am and either embrace the criticisms or change it.